I worry I worry I worry and I come back to the same point same story.

Lights bounce off the walls, tussar scarves burn, music throbs inside every brain

We laugh, we gesticulate, and spiral webs form on my feet, as they stare at you

-and wonder why

We drink and clap and stare at the walls, happiness in every pore

In the sweet morning light, we make love, out of breath,

Capture heartbeats, capture eyelids

And sleep.

If you wanna hang out youve got to take her out; cocaine. 
If you wanna get down, down on the ground; cocaine. 
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; cocaine. 


-been swinging to Cream/ Clapton whole day

Sometimes being with you just kills me and i hurt i hurt like a miserable little bitch and i bruise i bruise like i want to like i scream inside scream as loudly as i can and i know you will still go and i know its just a big fat drama inside your twisted little head wish i could touch you that deep and sprinkle a little salt over it


**
you came and you left and it hardly makes a difference and so i tell myself i hate how you are and i want to believe that your profundity is a lie your face is a lie

When the lights will be glimmering all over the city and the carousel will be filled to the brim I might be up in the air sick of wanting you, tired of bright drunken evenings, tired of fighting, tired of sore feet and a mind which has stopped ticking to colours and beats.

 i can run around and fall and scrape my knees, but doesn't count, as i am scared of the fresh, red wound being a mere lie. And maybe i'll need you to accept it, and you won't. A phantom shifting ache frightens me to tears and i am gladly a misanthrope. i want rum and coke, and Radiohead on loop, and a soul sister on my knee.

do you really need a few fucks to feel transcendental? Isn't it okay to indulge in paranoia? Can you really not create if you are in love with one person/ is the ideal one person one universe concept merely stupid and utopian? What happens when your little world gets all fucked up?

As i looked out of my room-window today, the sky outside squealed a bright glaring blue. In this heat, i gloomily looked up at the ceiling and slumbered like a diseased cat. When i woke up it was drizzling, and the sun looked on like an idiot. The fan blades refused to move and i brought down my childhood, carrying it safely in my arms, as the silver insects darted here and there, in and around my sleeves. The sky resumed a balance, a mellow sad balance and i swished back my limp hair and read. 

"Yeah, the ellipsis, it's dumb. It's dumb. It's an awful idea. I'm not gonna do it, okay? Cause like you said, this is it. This is life. And I'm in love with you... I think that's the only thing I've ever really been sure of in my entire life. And I'm really messed up right now, and I got a whole lot of stuff I have to work out, but I don't want to waste any more of my life without you in it. And I think I can do this. I mean, I want to. I have to, right? "

Drunk self is foolish. Reminds me that i haven't been filthy drunk since a certain eventful evening when i crushed, danced, flirted, screamed, ran away and cried in rapid succession. I twirled with the self, and swayed with the beats and i had fun. 
For now, i long to sit near your shoulder, slowly smoking a spliff as we admire the ancient building opposite ours, and watch the pigeons taking flight.

you pissed me off, my darling. Because you are behaving like a de-skinned chicken left to wander on the streets, but on the contrary, you should be really happy and excited that life is being charming to you, doors are being opened for you, and the sky is a bright bright blue.Count your blessings, and count your fingertips.